Week One - My Thoughts

All right, y'all. The show is back. The pool is back. Which means my recaps are back (now's your turn to roll your eyes or cheer silently in your cubes at work).

I think I'll start off the stuff I wrote down in reference to all the teams, and then some more general stuff. See how that goes.

Linz Family

• You know, judging from their little game of beanbag toss in the opening shots, I don't think aim is something high on their list. If you watch closely, not a single beanbag made it into the hole, and they were, like, two feet away. Thank god their not in Scotland.
• Lady Linz (I have no idea what your name is, yet), I dig you. Of course, I've got a soft-spot for anyone that laughs at farts. Admit it, y'all. It's funny stuff.
• If anyone was wondering what "Who dey?" meant (I was, apparently it's the name of the Cincinnatti Bengals' mascot.
• Was I the only one who thought, when this team first stepped out of the water taxi and started talking, "I'm sorry, you're so on the wrong show." We'll see how these dimly-lit bulbs end of doing.

(Token)

• Yes, Austin, you are kinda cute. But I also thought you had a black belt in tae-kwan-do, so what's up with your dad pulling you out of the puddle?
• Papa Black--"Oh, Geez, those kind of paddles." What was he expecting? This?
• I will miss your cheer, "1, 2, 3, BLACK FAMILY!", and also the opportunity for two and a half months of off-color jokes.
• Well, I'd miss you more if you weren't so dumb. None of you know what a Silo is? Aren't both mom and dad teachers?
• "We've never traveled out of the East Coast"--oh, the sad and prophetic words of Papa Black. And you never got the chance.

Bransen

• I think I'll give these girls the "most unexplainable wit" award. "We call him, 'Wall-der, instead of Walter!' [giggle giggle]". Maybe that's something you learned at Hope, but it sure didn't make it an hour and a half south to where I used to live.
• And that's all I noted about you. Now, go do something interesting.

Aiello

• Dude, with all the gold chains and your demonstrative skills in kissing babies, you are not the father-in-law. You are just the good ol' Godfather. No wonder your sons-in-laws are a bit scared of you.
• On the crossing "Stroke it all you want". I have so many jokes floating around in my head but as my parents read this blog I'm just gonna leave it there.
• I gotta agree with Kevin and Drew, Tony. You're gonna have a heart attack.

Godlewskis

• Oh my god, where the hell do I start?! I'm going back and forth between two nicknames. 1) Team Powerpuff"--prissy, pampered, and powerful (as noted by that first place finish!) or 2) Team Grease, being that they are, after all, the Pink Ladies. Maybe CBS is hoping to subliminaly use this team to make viewers think of Grease and remember that Stockard Channing played Rizzo and then make the connection that Stockard Channing is now staring on CBS' new comedy, Out of Practice. Then again, maybe not, because I watched that show Monday night and it was really bad.
• Ladies, SoHo is not a town. No wonder they looked at you weird (it couldn't have been the shrieking harpies y'all descended into).
• Dudes, you pick up camping equipment in the Sports Store. Not a hot guy to help you put the tent together from the lounge next door. Geesh.
• You are the best team to have the last leaving time. "11.00? We get to sleep in!" Good attitude. I kinda dug that.
• Blue silos are popular? What? I didn't see "farm realtor" listed as any of your occupations"!
• Now, I happen to like this team so far. Yes, they screech, but their enthusiastic. And they pulled out a win after leaving with their (apparently coveted) late start time. But, seeing Phil's frightened face on the mat, it made me wonder, "is he missing Mirna right now?"

Gaghan

• Oh my god, I'm in love with this team. That's all I gotta say. And here are some reasons why.
• "SoHo's a nice place. I think"--Little Gaghan Boy
• "We'll need her later, so let her rest"--Papa Gaghan on Carissa. Oh my, the nine-year old is actually an asset to the team!
• [Upon seeing grafitti] "Looks like a lot of people like to spray paint. Are you allowed to do that here?"--Carissa "Um, I think it's highly discouraged"--Papa Gaghan
• Little Gaghans in the buggy, singing "she'll be comin' round the mountain". Aiellos: "This is embarassing. Precious.
• Little Gaghan Boy: "Mom, Dan, I'm wicked proud of you!" Seriously? Didn't that phrase go out of style, like, ten years before he was born?
• And, oh my god, little Carissa has a lisp. It doesn't get cuter. And no, she isn't schtupid, either.
• The little Gaghans: "Sorry I can't contribute [boy to parents while they're hauling the buggy]" "Get used to it, dork!" [Carissa to her brother]
• Keep going, y'all.

Weavers

• First and foremost, lessons we should have learned from Dad. 1) do not go the wrong way down a one way street. 2) Look both ways before crossing the street 3) Don't drive either barefoot or in flip-flops, and keep both feet on the ground instead of one leg propped on the seat leaning against the window. 4) Don't run over mom with a buggy--learn where the breaks are.
• Don't you know that the only proper time to invoke God's help is when you're searching through mud for a clue? It's the only time it's worked so far. It's not cool to invoke the Good Lord at any other time on the race, especially when you're trying to make sure the nice truck driver who gave you his road map (because if he's a truck driver with the same route, I'm sure he really needs that map) was doing so with Christian intentions, while your lost is not the time to make sure he's found the lord. But I'm glad you're happy he'll be spending eternity with you. But I bet at that point you didn't know you're eternity might be real close when your kids ran over you with a buggy.
• Now, there's some discrepancy as to how the following line was said, but what I heard was, "I don't know if that means the state of Pennsylvania?" As opposed to what, Mama Weaver? The presence of Pennsylvania? I'm confused.
• I used to teach in high school classrooms. And what did I miss the most? I momentarily had a flash of screaming high-strung teenagers. That's when I rememebered I don't miss teaching really at all. Thanks, Weavers, for reminding me of that noise.

Rogers

• Brock's my new hero. He said monkey (in regards to the holier-than-thou Weavers who, I'm sure, weren't happy to be compared to monkeys since, they, you know, don't believe in that whole evolution thing)!

Paolo

• Well, we found our He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Nameds in training. Seriously, y'all are insolent pups. Including you, mom.
• But props to the younger dude for knowing Kevin and Drew!
• I did dig the Organ-Grinder soundtrack. But pretty much any time any of them opened their mouths, my personal soundtrack was the teeth-grinding going on in my mouth.
• I've already had some questions from others: why didn't they get penalized for losing their clue? Well, it was frankly because they didn't need it (same scenario as Tara and Will in Alaska). They were able to remember where to go, they did pick up the clue and go to the route marker (like Chip and Kim). Nor did they retrieve a second clue (like Freddy and Kendra). Frankly, as they are one of my teams, I'm glad they didn't get a penalty.

Schroeder

• Cheers to the team that I have a feeling will give some great off-beat humor until they get the boot!
• Mama Schroeder at the Crossing: "Don't let the flag touch the water! It's sacreligious...or something" (I bet Mama Weaver would know if it was, indeed, sacreligious).
• Papa Schroeder: "Too bad we don't have a handicapped kid to block traffic." Wha?!?!

All right, so here are the rest of my thoughts. I have read enough about this season to know that there will be less flight and more driving (so why oh WHY didn't I get cast?!). But to let the teams use their credit cards for both gas and flights? Yikes. Maybe it's because GMC is a sponsor, and with the six people in each car (four person team plus sound and camera guys), I guess you have to drive a gas guzzler. Thank god Hummer wasn't a sponsor. Speaking of sponsors, I didn't think Travelocity was one this season. But, dude, that Amish greeter sure looked like Jerome! However, as impressive as that eyebrow pop was (we know Miss Alli was happy), equally unimpressive was the voiceover about tem minutes later that said, "team most now driver over ninety blocks...". It just doesn't have the same ring as "must now fly over 6,000 miles from Johannesburg to Paris", does it? But let's accept the fact that this season is an experimet, it is what it is, and move on. Capice?

You know what we need more of on this show? Cameos by ex-racers who only one team recognizes, but are still among the favorites for die-hard fans and had their own TV show for awhile. Oh my God, it's Kevin and Drew! The fat bastards are still swinging. However, it put me in fear that we were going to get a cameo from my favorite "All American Team!" at the Deleware Crossing. Man, I would have wished I was in Baghdad (couldn't resist one more of those lines. Moving on now).

Eagle Scouts? It's no "Welcome to Hungary", but they'll do for now.

And I think that'll do it for now from me.

Scrappy, signing off.