Episode Seven - My Thoughts

I'm feeling like a lazy recapper today, so I think we're just going to get random thoughts for each team.

Bransens

• You know, girls, you can either 1) have no faith in your dad's physical strenghth or 2) let him do all the physical tasks. I don't think it works to do both. But your little dialogue "I can get in!" (wally at the swimming challenge) "Are you sure?" (Bransen girls in unison) was kinda funny.
• Wally: I'm glad you "don't want to make a mistake" at the Go-Karts, but how hard is it to screw something up that involves you driving around in a circle?

Godlewskis

• You brought toilet paper? And somehow kept it after all your stuff was taken away? Don't think I didn't see that roll stretching out across the road when one of your bags fell!
• Apparently, Arizona is "hotter than snot". I'm not sure how hot snot is, but thanks for sharing that delightful commentary.

Linz

• You know, I wrote absolutley nothing down about y'all on the first hour tonight. But you better come in first on at least one leg here, kids! At least the last one. When it counts.

Paolo

• Oh, was Mama Paolo throwing around the one liners tonight! I'm not sure what was better, "I'm gonna have more muscles than brains in my head when I'm done with this race", or "Why are we going to Phoenix? I want to go to New Zealand!" Who am I kidding? The latter is far more superior, and echoing the sentiments of devoted Race Fans everywhere...
• The only good thing about Tony almost drowning is that we got a glimpse of some of the local production crew. Kind of nice to give the locals a moment in the sun, right?
• There was something just so...I dunno...pastoral about the Italian immigrant singing on the back of a truck with big sticks in it. And there's more of a joke to be made but I can't pull it out of my brain right now.
• You know, the Paolos were downright awesome (and one both legs) while out of the country. It must be the US soil that does something to their brains, becuse the minute they were back on the ground they were up to their usual arguing antics.
• I'm trying to control my laughter that's still continuing from their getups at the pitstop. At least it was more sensible than the Godlewski thongs (and more supportive than they are to each other)! But Phil was right. They looked ridiculous. But if they'd taken time to count to, oh, I dunno, THREE and notice how many cars were actually there, they wouldn't have needed to do it at all!

Weavers

• You know, I hate to keep harping on your guys. Wait, I'm not sorry at all. And here we go!
• I'm thinking that Rolly just might be Brandon's long lost brother. Christian but not overtly crazy, and coming out of the water he totally had that Blue Lagoon think going for him.
• Did they actually chant "Go Arnold Go!" for two and a half hours in the Costa Rican cab? I was kind of hoping they would, and the cab driver would put out an APB on them to all other cabbies not to pick them up.
• "What state are we in again?" Need I even comment on that?
• If I had been that dude at the track that you said you needed someone who was "compassionate", I would have shown you the nearest church and not let you race. Maybe that would have been more your speed.
• When some nice ladies come up to you to try to make you feel okay about your mom out on a GO KART on a race track after your dad died at a track, they're probably sincere. I don't think I'd return their kindness by saying how they lie and are so mean to you.
• And again, kids, it's a GO KART. No need to freak out until they have, like, crash-test dummies littered around that you have to "avoid the pit crew" or something.
• Here is the link to the CBS glossary of Race Terms. Please note the definition of the yield. If I were you, I'd spend less time interrogating DJ Paolo about why he used it on your and following it up with a "We've still got our yield, sweets", and instead worry about the little fact that YOU CAN GET YIELDED AGAIN, YOU DUMBASS.
• Need some help with your kids, Ma? I found someone who can help you!
• I think the Weavers need a mirror to hold up to see their behavior and their words. And to fix their pants, too.
• I think they should have tried out for this show. Because it'd be a miracle if you were ever nice to someone.
• It is amazing that as much as they hate speedways and racing, they drive likes bats out of hell on every single stretch of road. I'm just saying.
• I have this dream for next week, where the teams go to Independence, Missouri, and Phil says "This is the scared returning place of Jesus according to Mormons. Look up 5 verses in the Book of Mormon that exemplify good family practices" and Ma throws a fit in which she refuses to touch a "sacred" text that doesn't involve hot pants or thowing garbage at other teams.
• With all their paranoia and delusions, these dudes really are a four person Mirna. Oh, the scariness of typing that sentence.
• But, really, what I think it boils down to is that this family is a textbook example of people who create the situations they fear, project all their own bad behavior onto other people, they're defensive and nasty, they haven't given any of the others a single reason to like them, and then they just get mystified by their social isolation. Maybe they're President Bush's favorite team. That certainly describes his foreign policy.

And with that it's Scrappy, signing off.