WEEK FOUR - My Thoughts

All right, before y'all go and start saying how all the tasks they did in the episode were boring, shut it. And this is why:

• They've gone to Giant Things before: First big thing. Second big thing. Third big thing. There are probably more, but they're currently inaccessible in the Reality TV Vault which is my mind.
• They've gone to gas stations to find someone to hand them a clue (well, a convenience store. Pretty much the same thing). Except that it was in Africa and was a tin shack on the side of the road (I'm having a hard time finding which episode that was in).
• They've gone to traditional homesteads of the indigenous people before.
• They've had to dress up before to perform detour tasks.

It's just that it, you know, feels a lot more cool when they're somewhere other than at a Giant chair, a gas station where we filled up Karen's car last night (well, the same chain anyways), trailer homes, and lumberjack shirts. Moving on.

I noticed for the first time tonight that the Paolos have a garbage truck behind them whilst doing their headturns. Fitting somehow, isn't it?

We start off at Space Camp, and the teams get a clue to drive to a Giant Chair in Anniston (like Jennifer, says Char Schroder), Alabama (cue dueling banjo music from...wally? A little humor from him? My goodness!), and then they'll have to climb on top of the chair to reach the clue. When they showed the chair, was anyone else thing, "Hello Edith Ann!"? Okay, maybe just me, but I've got her on the brain since she's coming Saturday.

We get a shot of the Weavers in their car, apparently taking turns with the praying duty. But Ma Weaver? I've heard the power of prayer can be quite intoxicating, but I think down in the Bible Belt (do you know where that is?), it's totally acceptable to pray and drive.

And the Paolos drop their clue (at least the additional information part) again. But they must have found it, because I think that's what gave Paolo the Youngest the REALLY BIG PAPER CUT ON THE BACK OF HIS NECK. There are certain instances on the race that it's okay to complain that you're hurt (getting your car run over by a taxi in the jungles of Brazil come to mind), but I don't think a paper cut is one of them. Yeesh.

People climb the chair. Including, surprisingly, Hunter! He actually did something!

And now...the Race Track. I feel for the Weavers, I really do. But it is an interesting coping technique on Ma Weavers part to instruct her kids to just run through really fast and get it over with quick. This is not like taking a band-aid off, you know? For their sake, I was glad they didn't have to, like, change a tire and take a lap around the track. But a party bike? Sometimes, you just gotta bring the transportation funny and in a season without Tuk-tuks, these will have to do. I'd never heard of these things, but for some reason it didn't surprise me that the Linzes had. And the race track provided us with a moment I'm not sure we'll see again--the Paolos all working together without too much fighting. Amazing. I did feel bad for little Carissa, who really just wants to help and her legs just weren't long enough to reach the pedals. Shucks.

Along the way we had some mooning. I was trying to remember the last time I mooned out of a car window while my father was sitting next to me. Nope, never happened. Actually, I'm trying to remember the last time I mooned someone anywhere. Nope, never happened. It's kinda fun to see the Bransen girls gone wild--they actually have a personality beyond their inexplainable wit! And was it just me, or did one of the Linz boys actually say, "No show us your tits!"? I think I heard that. Must rewatch the tape.

Ah, the Southern Colonel (every time I write or see that word I always think I spell it wrong. But I checked. It's right). They've done these types of tasks before, but again the memories of them are locked away in that Reality TV Vault I'm having a bit of trouble accessing at the moment. But I still can't believe it's a trailer park. That place is hoppin'!*

*Thought I'd take a moment to share the embarrassing Karen story about "this place is hoppin'." When we were back in college, we were really bored one night and I wasn't 21 yet so we couldn't go to the bar, so instead we ended up driving around the bustling metropolis of Kalamazoo. We rounded a corner and there was this big building with all these cars parked outside and lights in the parking lot and Karen says, "Hey, this place is hoppin', we should check it out!" So we drove closer, and it turned out it was a used car dealership.

Now back to your regularly scheduled recap.

Back at the ranch, I mean, the trailer park, Carissa thinks the trailers are EEEEEVIL (like fruits of the devil evil? She must be a fan), Daddy Architect Schroeder thinks "there's no way they'd have us go to a trailer park" (he must have missed that part where they went to a giant chair earlier in the day), Stassi falls prey to the Killer Fatigue of Mississippi (thought Alabama was the next India? Apparently, it's now Mississippi). Stassi, could you enlighten me on something? Does EVERY minute count? I thought you said that once. Or three hundred times. And the Paolos catch a really lucky break when other teams apparently forget that they're supposed to be searching for the best departure time and grab 8.00 AM because that sounds early (I'm looking at you, GAGHANS). However, I have to cut them a little slack. Ma Paolo said, while they were going to bed in the trailer, that they were leaving in less than five hours (for a 7.40 departure time), meaning that they rolled into the trailer park around 2.30 - 3.00 AM. Yikes.

As we move on to New Orleans, we learn an interesting fact that Lake Pontchartrain is one of the Five Great Lakes. Well, anyone could tell you that's not right. It would totally through the mnemonic HOMES out of the water, and then how would you remember them (besides the fact that they're those really big-ass ones all next to each other along the US / Canadian border)? I feel the need to point out right now that Ma Weaver is an elementary school teacher. I sincerely hope she doesn't teach geography.

I thought this was a fun roadblock, and I have a feeling the race designers started, with this leg, to design challenges with the assumption that the small children would be out of the race at this point. Seriously, look at the choices the Gaghans had--saw four pieces of a big ass log where the stand is taller than one of the racers, or take your 9 and 12 year old gambling on a river boat. At least Carissa looked cute in the boa. I was surprised, however, that the Weavers chose to gamble. Do you think they prayed before hand for luck at the cards? And was anyone else surprised to hear that Rolly's real name is Roy? Dude, who names their kid Roy nowadays?

And some random closing thoughts / favorite moments:

• Christine Godlewski [while crying] "I need some validation here, guys." The rest of the Godlewskis, "ehhhhhh...".
• Roadblock? Anyone? Bueller?
• Sistah smackdown! That's one of the notes I wrote down, probably with the intent to formulate something witty later, but I got nothin'.
• Phil to the Linzes: "It is my understanding there was a moon out today?" AWESOME.
• Ma Weaver said they were scared when they got to the pitstop. Is it because they thought they'd be last, or that they were surrounded by all those heathens in New Orleans? (tm Karen)
• Carissa's "Lucky Pen" song. She's still cute and young enough to pull that off.
• Do you think the Weavers know that others are talking about them when they're referred to as "The Florida Team"? Somehow, I don't think so.
• On tonight's episode, four of the remaining seven teams threw temper tantrums. And none of them were from the 9 and 12 year old.
• As next week is Week Five, that means we get an "Amazing Moment" from episode five. Oh, how I'm hoping it will be the famous "My OX is BROKEN" sequence. That would kick ass.
• Schroeder Family: Meet Frank. And Will. Two other vicitms of the TAR Hometown Curse.
• This race went to New Orleans just a couple months before Katrina hit. They went to Sri Lanka a couple months before the tsunami. The leg in Dubai was quickly planned due to the bombings in Moscow and Istanbul (where they were supposed to go). TAR 1 debuted (with a starting line in New York) only a week before 9/11. I'm beginning to think there's a curse and Bert and Elise should start sending the teams to the countries they DON'T like. On second thought, maybe that's why they've stayed here this race...

A very-unpatriotic-today Scrappy, signing off.