Episode Five -- My Thoughts

Heck YEAH my Amazing Race is back! Too bad it only took five episodes to really find it again. Airports, hours of operation bunching, horribly mangled foreign languages...sigh. I have missed you.

I totally freaked out at the beginning of the episode when Phil came on to talk about New Orelans again, and then they showed stuff about Space Camp. I thought they were playing the wrong episode. So, Jan, sorry about that frantic call.

We are leaving the US? Are you serious? Just as much as Carissa, I'm excited you're leaving, too. However, wouldn't it have been funny if the Linzes did go to Panama City, Florida, as one of them thought they were? Apparently, they've got two bingo halls, so I'd be cool with going there myself.

We arrive at the airport where apparently they've been told to take either Continental or American, and the Bransens figure out quite quickly that, in a race situation, it makes sense to take the one that lands three hours earlier. Duh. But my favorite airport moment? One of the Godlewski sisters (I think Michelle?) hitting DJ Paolo over the head and telling him to be nice to his mom. It was probably Christine Godlewski's idea, though, since apparently she's the one on the team with all the good ideas (and asking for validation whilst sobbing is apparently one of the them).

And off to Panama, where they go to the Smithsonian Institute (or, in the words of the Bransens, "Institute de...whatever") where they will hop a boat to an island and find a scientist. Still not exactly "find Pablo in Mexico City", but it'll do! However, the boats don't go until 7 AM, and since it's really ass dark, we know they're in for the night and all the teams will catch up. BUNCH! I really would have loved to see them all get out their camping mats right on the ground in front of the gate, as has happened in years and episodes past, but obviously there's a big-ass empty building right near by that can convienently fit 24 racers and all their crew. Talk about an uncomfortable slumber party. I wonder if the Weavers say prayers in their sleep.

When the teams get up and jump for the boats, the editors spend the next few minutes messing with my pool scoring as they continually flash "currently in [enter number] place" over, and over and over with different teams. I haven't rewatched the epsiode to make sure I got everything, but if you're wondering how all the teams got / lost so many points this episode. This was the sequence that did them in. But what is up with the Gaghan's driver wanting to go back to pick up more people? Does he not understand the concept of raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace? Wasn't that obvious by the boom mike, camera, and people in matching clothing on his boat? Oh, the horrors as I watch Billy and Carissa fall further and further behind.

On the island, the teams make their way to the scientist chillin' in the hammock to get their clue, which tells them to find their bus that will take them to one of the detour options. Now, here was my favorite moment--the Godlewskis realizing that they've wasted time looking for their bus on the island, and Christina (whose ideas are the best, you know) finally saying, "This is an island, guys, we knew that!" as they cackle towards their boat. Hee hee.

The Paolos decide to go for the fast forward, and Phil tells us this is the only one on the entire race. Come on! I miss the fast forward every leg. Oh well. And it involves bungee jumping. I saw an image of Hell during this segment--being trapped in that tiny elevator with the Paolos going up to the jump. This is something I'd be a bit iffy about myself, but we get to see DJ for what he really is--a little wuss who screams like a little GIRL! It's too bad they didn't chicken out because I would have loved seeing the kids doing that (and Mama Gaghan totally smacked into a van trying to get there--see this week's CAPTION THIS!) but the one good thing is that doing the Fast Forward took the Paolos completely out of the second half of the episode. And they won...a trip to Panama! Huh. I liked the gnome with his feathers on, though. That was funny. And it did look like Tony was having the time of his life in that country, so maybe it's good they're going back. They can relive all those close family memories of thirty seconds of DJ and Momma not shouting at each other.

Detour options: Rhythm or Coos. It would have been a toss-up for me--birds? eh. Especially wooden ones (but the bird geek extra was AWESOME). Rhythm: Run around to different music halls, grab instruments, bring them back to the Take 5 jazz club (I'm assuming named after my favorite piece of all time--must have Real Player), and put them in their cases? I would have been way too tempted to stop and play a set (scroll down). The most nervous I got all episode was watching the Linzes and Billy Gaghan carrying the saxes around the streets of Panama City by their NECK. Dudes--these are precious babies (here are mine). Do NOT be carrying them around by their necks. Or I'll reach through my TV Screen and carry you by yours and see how you like it. Best you be warned. But you know what? Putting a sax, a trombone, a trumpet, and a drum in their respective cases is not a puzzle. They didn't even have to take them apart.

And...off to the baseball field. You know, it's kind of amazing that even though they went to another country, they managed to do three American things--baseball, the Smithsonian, and the Panama Canal (owned by the US). This challenge was totally a throw-back to the season one with the ping-pong challenge. Here were my favorite baseball moments:

• "It's baseball--you can swear" -- Godlewskis
• Rolly Weaver--actually doing a task? Crazy!
• "Pretend it's the boss that wouldn't give you that raise!" -- Godlewskis
• Ma Weaver's OUTRAGE that the Linzes would trash talk while her son was hitting. Dude. It's baseball. That's what you do. It's a good thing the Weavers weren't doing it, otherwise it would have been white trash talk.
• That fabulous 14 inning win the Sox pulled out over the Astros last night (and Houston's problem? They made us keep our roof open!)

People swing. People hit. The Panamanians really need to work on their defense. In the end, it's the Godlewskis left swinging while the Gaghans get stuck at a real roadblock--a truck with a Pepsi vending machine blocking their way. And this is where Bill Gaghan goes "these people...". I'm hoping that wasn't as totally bad and culturally insensitive as it sounded. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt, and at least he didn't say "These Panamanians just keep breeding and breeding!" like KKKendra (I'm having a hard time finding which episode that happened in--anyone remember?). But the Gaghan's make it despite these people and the roadblock, which givees us the opportunity to watch all four Godlewskis (who obviously watched the show last year, and are fans as they said, "We have to see the 'Philiminator') put on every single article of clothing they brought with them and greet Phil at the map looking like...well...I'm not exactly sure. But the editors rocked. As the sisters say, "We've got wit, charm, and beauty, they cut to THAT -->

And then Phil says, "It's illegal to wear underpants on top of underpants on top of pants." Oh, the funny. Thanks, Phil.

Other random thoughts:

• Wow, the Bransens got taken for a ride--to work! If a bus with paintings and flashing lights, four Americans and a 2 person camera crew come up to me and make me sign a waiver form, my first inclination would be that they're just going somewhere and offering me a ride to work. Evil Fern.
• Rolly's one funny line "This is a pimp bus." Does his mama know he watches MTV? I'm sure that's the spawn of satan.
• Did anyone else notice that while the Godlewski's were handing over their possessions, they handed over their cash in a PINK Wallet? Fitting, huh?
• Weavers: Just because you're in a spanish speaking country, don't blurt out the only two spanish words you know: "Burrito" and "Conquistador". Besides, the position of Burrito Conquistador is already taken.
• Oh, Rolly, thanks for adding "El Speedo" to the Mirnish dictionary. I need an entry right between "El Doctoro" and "Emergencia".
• I was so upset that the Broken Ox didn't make the "Amazing Moment" from season five. But they still picked a good one.
• For those of you in the Minneapolis area, what the HELL is up with Phil's little WCCO Morning News intro? So bad, it's downright awesome.
• In other news, James Cameron is releasing the definitive DVD of Titanic with an alternate ending. Huh? So the boat doesn't sink?

That's it for today. Scrappy, signing off.